"It's not about you, it's about them. They're hiding their own insecurities by making you feel bad about yourself."
Anyone who's been bullied has heard something like this, usually in an attempt to cheer you up or make your feel better. It's practically become an adage that often pops up when people talk about bullying. There's even a video where Wil Wheaton, nerd royalty, promotes this point of view.
While I was growing up, I never bought into this idea. Even now, I frequently have trouble accepting it. Do people feel the need to pick out an individual and constantly berate them because they feel sad? Maybe. But does it hold true for everyone? Is bullying just one persons's attempt to make themselves feel like they're better than at least one other person?
I bring this up not to try to make sense of school-yard bullying - or similar scenarios - but to address the recent rise of inter-geek bullying.
Many of us geeks have a history of being bullied, but it seems like some of us have embraced the opportunity to become the bully. We see it everywhere, but it's definitely most prominent online. Some of us are chastised for being "fake" geeks, particularly women. Others are criticized for liking the "wrong" series or characters. Some people are deemed "not geeky enough" because they like a movie more than the books or comics it's based on (or - God forbid - haven't even read the source material).
These days, it seems like more names and insults are being flung from geek to geek than come from outside the geek subculture. Why do some of us feel the need to put others down? I think this is where the type of phenomenon Wil Wheaton discusses really rears its head. Geeks who have until now been bullied for their hobbies are able to set themselves up as "better" than others who are interested in the same thing; they're able to increase their own self-worth at the expense of others. Sure, a lot of this existed before now, but the internet has made it much more visible, if not more common.
So here's the big question that I'm opening up to dialogue: How should we respond to bullying in geekdom? Do we ignore the mean geeks? Try to have a rational discussion? Chastise or shame bullies? Punch them in the face? (Please don't punch them in the face.) Do we try to be non-confrontational, or should we try to make the geek world friendlier and more inclusive?
As a card-carrying member of the Justice League, honorary Star Fleet ensign, and a Ph.D student in political science, Amanda doesn't have much spare time on her hands. But when she does, she spends it gaming, nerdcrafting, marathoning shows on Netflix, debating Tolkien online, sewing costumes for cosplay, and writing on Geekphoria.net.
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