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"It's not about you, it's about them. They're hiding their own insecurities by making you feel bad about yourself."
Anyone who's been bullied has heard something like this, usually in an attempt to cheer you up or make your feel better. It's practically become an adage that often pops up when people talk about bullying. There's even a video where Wil Wheaton, nerd royalty, promotes this point of view.
While I was growing up, I never bought into this idea. Even now, I frequently have trouble accepting it. Do people feel the need to pick out an individual and constantly berate them because they feel sad? Maybe. But does it hold true for everyone? Is bullying just one persons's attempt to make themselves feel like they're better than at least one other person?
I bring this up not to try to make sense of school-yard bullying - or similar scenarios - but to address the recent rise of inter-geek bullying.
Many of us geeks have a history of being bullied, but it seems like some of us have embraced the opportunity to become the bully. We see it everywhere, but it's definitely most prominent online. Some of us are chastised for being "fake" geeks, particularly women. Others are criticized for liking the "wrong" series or characters. Some people are deemed "not geeky enough" because they like a movie more than the books or comics it's based on (or - God forbid - haven't even read the source material).
These days, it seems like more names and insults are being flung from geek to geek than come from outside the geek subculture. Why do some of us feel the need to put others down? I think this is where the type of phenomenon Wil Wheaton discusses really rears its head. Geeks who have until now been bullied for their hobbies are able to set themselves up as "better" than others who are interested in the same thing; they're able to increase their own self-worth at the expense of others. Sure, a lot of this existed before now, but the internet has made it much more visible, if not more common.
So here's the big question that I'm opening up to dialogue: How should we respond to bullying in geekdom? Do we ignore the mean geeks? Try to have a rational discussion? Chastise or shame bullies? Punch them in the face? (Please don't punch them in the face.) Do we try to be non-confrontational, or should we try to make the geek world friendlier and more inclusive?
| As a card-carrying member of the Justice League, honorary Star Fleet ensign, and a Ph.D student in political science, Amanda doesn't have much spare time on her hands. But when she does, she spends it gaming, nerdcrafting, marathoning shows on Netflix, debating Tolkien online, sewing costumes for cosplay, and writing on Geekphoria.net. |
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I think in some cases, bullying does occur because of insecurity on the bully's part, but I have trouble believing that ALL cases are like that. Some people are just mean. I definitely experienced some of the negativity and elitism in the geek community firsthand when I was younger and it sucked, especially since I had already been bullied in school for BEING a geek. I still notice it happening, especially in internet communities. I always welcome newcomers with open arms, but I can see how some geeks are protective of a fandom that probably acted as a safe haven when other aspects of life were difficult to deal with. Nothing justifies bullying, though. Is it worth confronting the bully when it happens? I'm not sure, but I think everyone needs a reminder every now and then that they, too, were new to a fandom at some point in their lives.
ReplyDeleteWhile I've never been bullied online and hopefully haven't bullied anyone else, it's hard for me sometimes to see people into things I've been loving for years find so much acceptance. I get that less than pleasant feeling in the back of my brain (the dark dungeony part) that gets jealous that all of a sudden liking this or that has less or no stigma attached to it. Again, while I don't condone bullying, I'm sure other people (just in the comments) have felt that same thing. It's not right, but it's hard to feel like you're the person who went first and no one else even cares. I still think the best policy with bullies is to ignore them. Telling them off might feel better but not for long.
ReplyDeleteI'm so happy I stumbled across your blog, now following along on bloglovin'. Personally I think sometimes yes, it is down to other people's insecurities but I also believe sometimes, some people just feel the need to put you down. I've had a few minor moments of geek bullying in my life, i've read comic books since the age of 8, played computer games pretty much all of my life and have spent a fair amount of time searching the internet/shops to finish various figurine collections. However, I work in an office full of men who all have similar interests but because A. i'm a girl and B. have other interests, my opinion is not valid. I think you find this in all walks of life though and is pretty much something that can't be avoided. x
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