Then, one day, I saw a comment on my own Pinterest post of me in a costume - "Ugh, why do sluts have to ruin everything?"
I couldn't really process the comment at first - me? A slut? Is that supposed to be a bad thing? Is that... a joke? I want to unpack this a little bit and explore what this comment is implying.
The first thing I couldn't comprehend was what about that picture made me slutty. Was it the shorts I was wearing? That didn't make sense to me, since what you wear (or don't wear) has nothing to do with your sex life. Moreover, whether you have lots of sex, a little sex, or no sex, it's just not anybody else's business, nor does it make you a better or worse person than anybody else. To me, "slut" is just a way to insult a female for being female.
Maybe I was deemed a slut because I was a female cosplaying a gender-bent version of a male character? Maybe this individual felt I was "ruining" the game by presenting this character as female instead of male. So what does that imply - that being female inherently "ruins" something? And if the person does not appreciate gender-bent interpretations of the source material, is that reason enough to call someone who does a derogatory name? Even if someone is a fan of accuracy to the source material, it makes no sense to hurt someone for deviating from your preference.
For what it's worth, the gender of the commenter is unknown, and I don't really think it's that important to this story. It's obvious to me that, whatever the reason, this person chose to insult me based on my gender, and that's something that anyone, male or female, is capable of.
What is important, though, is that for some reason, this comment didn't really affect me. I don't feel insulted by it. This person's comment, whatever their reason was for making it, indicates that they have frustration at something else and simply decided to take it out on me. I was surprised and relieved to find that I just really didn't care.
Have you ever dealt with unnecessary comments? How did you feel about it?
| Mia is one half of SHe's founding team, in charge of social media, blogging management, and guest content wrangling. MBA student concentrating in Digital Marketing by day, geek of all trades by night. Loves dressing up, advocating for self-love, and crying about magical girls. |
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Mia you must have some good confidence. I wish I could handle all negative comments this well. I am sure I will get better over time though.
ReplyDeleteI don't think I'm especially confident - it helps that this comment didn't make any sense to me! But thank you :)
ReplyDeleteI think it's awesome that you don't care. I'm pretty sure the word "slut" wouldn't effect me either but other words could for sure bring me to tears. It really is their problem and not yours. I mean if the photo really upset this person, they could have just ignored it. They commented, not to constructively criticize or explain why they disapproved of the outfit, but because they wanted to put you down. Those people have their own own issues and while they might deserve our pitty, they do not deserve our attention.
ReplyDeleteI agree, there are other things they could have said that would have affected me more! I hope I can keep this incident in mind whenever I get comments about things I'm insecure about - it just really doesn't matter. If someone is working hard to make you unhappy, they aren't worth your time!
ReplyDeleteI worry about these kinds of comments because I just don't deal well with those situations. I feel incensed just looking at that picture! People are so harsh, judgmental, and straight up vicious. I can't comprehend it and it makes my insides clench up with outrage! I think you're right though, being female automatically 'ruins' it for a large portion of the gaming community :|
ReplyDeleteI was repeatedly harassed by one very persistent and scary internet man (on all possible social media accounts...for days) for being "vain" recently because of my cosplay photos and instagram selfies. I've had this stuff happen from time to time.
ReplyDeleteIt makes me really frustrated and anxious.
The peace I've made with it is that you can try to educate, and you can try to reason, but you'll only get so far with people like this. These comments are negative and damaging, but only if you let them be. I think it's also important to realize that it doesn't have anything to do with you. It has to do with them.
I think I spent wayyyyy too much time analyzing the thought patterns and reason behind things like this that have happened to me, and I'm slowly learning to brush it off. I try to be the best I can, but even still people are going to find fault with it. Sometimes unnecessarily and aggressively. I can't let that affect me.
That sounds awful, but I think you're handling it well. The best thing you can do in that situation is realize it isn't you, it's them, just like you said. I'm so sorry you have to deal with that :(
ReplyDeleteYeah, that comment doesn't make any sense to me either. Totally agree with everything you said! People believe their opinions matter so much and that it must be voiced. It's just funny to me to have that sort of mindset.
ReplyDeleteI had to deal with some in-person bullying when I was younger and surprisingly haven't experienced anything like that as an adult. Comments like that wouldn't affect me. What I think of myself and my actions is much more important than some random person trying to be a butthead~
I had some guy ask "How old is she?" on one of my cosplay pics the other day. Not negative or mean - just creepy. Why does it matter? Do you want me to be sixteen? Or older, so you don't feel guilty? I just told him to GTFO and he claimed "someone sent me to this page" and denied being a creeper... Of course, this was on DeviantArt.
ReplyDeleteIts gross that even beyond just having this opinion, this person decided he wanted to share it with other people for some reason.
ReplyDeleteYeah, exactly! Maybe they didn't know it was me in the photo, but it's like they didn't realize it was someone out there who has thoughts and feelings and opinions.
ReplyDeleteThat is *so* creepy! Totally inappropriate. :(
ReplyDeleteYeah, its both the idea that somebody is willing to represent themselves like this, as in somebody who would use a slur against somebody for an outfit, and the idea that they would be potentially doing that against somebody who would see it.
ReplyDeleteThey may have overlooked that second part, but I think its important for people to be confronted for these kind of comments. Not necessarily by the victims, as they have no responsibility as the one targeted by the attack, but by bystanders who see that kind of comment and know how predatory it is.
Yeah exactly! I think when you are confident in what you're doing, the opinion of some random person is much less important. It's only when you're already insecure that it affects you.
ReplyDeleteI was worried I'd deal with this comment terribly because I usually react poorly when friends have a similar experience, but I found I didn't care that much, so who knows! It's always scary letting yourself be vulnerable on the internet.
ReplyDeleteNow this is something I have trouble with. I get annoyed sometimes when some girls are basically wearing bras and panties in the general colors of superheros and probably don't know much about the characters they're portraying. I wouldn't go so far as to say they're sluts though. I don't know them, maybe they're genuine fans using their bodies and outfits as a form of expression. Or maybe they're just looking for attention, who knows right? So I try not to be too judgey, but I understand the thoughts that can go through other people's heads.
ReplyDeleteWhen I look at your cosplay, I see nothing like that. You could easily wear this outfit in the summer and no one would give two nuts about it. You're not showing off any of your assets in an offensive way. Nothing that could even be remotely deemable as "slutty." To me you look like you're having fun instead of trying to be overtly sexy.
What a sad world that person must live in to be so judgmental of others, especially women fans who like to genderbend their cosplays. I'm glad you didn't let it bother you too much! You're right, their problem isn't with you, but they decided to take it out on you. A lot of people won't agree with them, and that's also important to remember. Don't feed the trolls! lol.
I think the "fake geek girl" stereotype does a lot more harm than good. I understand it may be frustrating that a girl can be dressed as a character without any prior knowledge of that character, but in truth, it doesn't matter what their reasons are for dressing up. Some people want to pay homage to the character, some people love the craftsmanship, some people want to look sexy or cute, some people just wanna have fun. All reasons are valid! And once you realize that it's a lot easier to not be judgey.
ReplyDeleteThe point isn't to evaluate whether or not what I'm wearing is slutty, because to me, it's possible to call *anyone* a slut. It's not indicative of their actual sex life or a valid judgement of her character; it's just a gendered insult. Even if I was wearing a bikini, it shouldn't matter. I shouldn't have been called a slut regardless.
I really appreciate your comment! I agree that it makes no sense to me to be judgmental, especially regarding cosplay. If others are doing what makes them happy, there's no reason to judge (unless they are hurting others).
I don't think I will ever funny understand racism, sexism, homophobia, or any other hate oriented thought process.
ReplyDeleteAs you stated: " whether you have lots of sex, a little sex, or no sex, it's just not anybody else's business, nor does it make you a better or worse person than anybody else. To me, "slut" is just a way to insult a female for being female." I too believe that words such as slut, nag, spinster, feminazi, PC Police, dirty liberal, etc., are terms used by people as a way to prevent people they hate from enjoying life.
Cause that is one of their bigger problems: they hate life it seems. So it seems as though they mask it in their own "strong feelings/honesty/ass-holeocity" and put the fervor that should be oriented towards making the world better, into hating anything.
While I like people to be honest, I will NEVER understand "honesty" of that caliber because: a). it's actually called being an a$$hole; b). What good does it do? Is that constructive? Is it a question? If the answer of any of these is yes, the real question is: IS YOUR POINT NECESSARY? and WHAT is your intention for stating it? If the answer is no: DON'T DO IT!
Additional equip: NOTHING about your costume is scandalous! You are completely covered and look cute as all get out!