Today, I'm asking for a favor. I'm making a video series on how to deal with (social) anxiety, and I need your help. What makes you most anxious? What would you like help to improve with your social or personal life? Specific examples or general ideas are welcome!
You can tweet me @LizLocksley, email me superheroesque[at]gmail.com or leave a comment!
 Liz is one half of SHe's founding team, in charge of business, audio/video, and managing webpages. Liz has a degree in sociology and a brain full of cartoons. She can be found regularly fangirling over TV shows, podcasts and comedians. Also, talking about nothing at great lengths. |
I hate.. hate.. hate... calling people on the phone. I get the worst anxiety about it. I also hate having to make small talk with random people.
ReplyDeleteBiggest problem I ALWAYS have with being social is starting. As in when I get to a place (or am already at a place like a school club or social function) I have zero idea how to start or initiate a conversation. If someone else gives me a starting point, I'm a conversation butterfly. If I have to start, I clam up under three layers of shell. This probably comes with wondering how the conversation is going to go and being afraid of "The Silence". Simply starting with 'hi' doesn't really comfort me, since I assume if I start the conversation, I'm expected to give more than just that.
ReplyDeleteI should note that this doesn't apply to business, such as going to an interview or calling to ask for a service or help, but it applies to nearly every personal social situation I have. I think it's because school has given so many interview prep courses, I'm fine there, but I haven't had any help in just simply striking up a friendly conversation with a vague acquaintance.
Small talk situations are really hard for me. Seeing people for the first time offline when we met online... Or running into friends spontaneously. I never know what to say.
ReplyDeleteI get especially nervous about situations that involve alcohol since I don't really drink.
I have similar issues! I wonder if it's because you know what the other person is thinking in the interview (i.e., do I want to hire this person?) but not in personal situations? Ahhhh!
ReplyDeleteI absolutely hate giving my name to anyone. Line in Restaurants, Starbucks, on the phone. It's because no one can ever say my name right on the first try and I get so embarrassed of having to repeat myself every time or spelling it for them. The embarrassment really comes when they go to say my name and they stumble over their words , say it wrong, or just butcher it and make your parents sound like they were illiterate when they named you. So I avoid talking to Hostesses, Baristas, Cashiers at places where they ask for your name - I let my BF do it because he has a nice and simple name.
ReplyDeleteThat leads us into - Meeting New People. Not for the reason of it's "new people." I really do like meeting new people...I just hate introducing myself. Because if someone else introduces me, the new person is almost more inclined to ask them how to pronounce my name rather than me.
Please don't name your kids weird things. They will hate you for it forever. Which sucks because I like my name(Took 20 years to accept it btw), I just hate the mispronunciations of it. I have a list that I respond to because I have given up over the years correcting them.
Picking up phone calls from people I don't know always freak me out! Like if it's my boss or someone who I am expecting a call from...Not sure why... making a call isn't that difficult...just receiving one and saying my name makes me nervous. So weird! I also get nervous when meeting new people that I know I'll be seeing again. I guess I want to make a good first impression so the next time I see them they won't think I'm a weirdo. Talking to strangers at the grocery store is fine, because I know I'll probably never see them again!
ReplyDeleteI think it has to do with the 'not knowing what to start talking about' issue. At an interview or business, we know what we're going to talk about, what we want out of it, and generally how much the other person knows about it or is expecting.
ReplyDeleteIn small talk, everything is fair game and at the same time nothing is fair game. Even at clubs that have a theme I have trouble with that. My school had a Japanese Student Association, so you would think it would be easy for me to just bring up an anime to start conversations. So I went to a meeting, and then I realized I have no idea what anime I watch I can talk about with people because there are so many and I hadn't watched any of the current, super-popular animes.
Oh I hate that too. Especially if it's the house phone and it turns out the call was for someone else and I end up inserting an awkward pause before looking for the intended recipient.
ReplyDeleteIf I'm meeting someone for the first time and I know I'll be seeing them again (my boyfriend's friends, for example), I get bad anxiety. I worry too much about the impression I'm making. I also have trouble hanging out in large groups because I never know when to enter a conversation, so I end up never giving any input and just sit there nervous and silent.
ReplyDeleteFor the record, love your outro :P
ReplyDeleteNow, I've been grappling with anxiety issues all summer, and I can't fathom why - school time is when things are supposed to be the most stressful, but here I am, feeling like everything I have to do (which really isn't much) is some sort of never ending mountain and I will never accomplish anything. This has been giving me a lot of anxiety and I hardly get anything done.
I used to enjoy making videos. I was part of a collab channel for the IGGPPC, but nowadays I have a lot of anxiety about making vlogs, either I have trouble actually filming them or when I get down to editing them. It's something I used to love to do, and it made me feel good, but now I have this great idea for my own personal YouTube channel and I can't get to actually making any of the videos I'd like to make :(
I have some social anxiety as well. When I'm meeting new people, especially if they're friends of friends or friends of my boyfriend. Anything in public having to do with food, I'm often anxious at restaurants I haven't been to before. And if I'm just having a bad day and I wake up feeling really anxious, it's nearly impossible to go anywhere and I have to be careful if I am out, because it gets hard to talk and then I basically shut down.
So there's a few examples of my own anxiety for you.
My biggest issues are: texting a guy that I am interested in. Flirting with guys because I have no idea how to.Pretty much anything involving the opposite sex. I hate making phone calls to make appointments, ask questions, ect. I don't have a problem with calling someone I know but when it's a stranger I usually put it off for as long as I absolutely can.. I do not like order food or drinks somewhere that I have never been before for some reason that makes me nervous. I guess these are my biggest anxieties that I can think of off the top of my head. Hope it helps.
ReplyDeleteThanks for your input!
ReplyDeleteFlirting is always way harder than it needs to be! These are all really great! (I mean, not the part where you have anxiety, but as in you thought of really great examples.) Thanks!
ReplyDeleteThanks!
ReplyDeleteThis is super close to how my mind functions with depression. I've come across some different ways to deal with it, although they definitely aren't perfect or always effective. Because it's affecting you right now and I don't know when I'll get to a depression-based video, I highly recommend making a schedule. You went from having 5 days a week taken by a schedule to having no schedule it becomes harder to get work done. I have the same problems! Start w/ personal stuff, laundry this day, make a meal this day, and then move it to online stuff. Or just do it all on one day (which is what I tend to do) a week that is a designated get stuff done even if I don't feel like it day. I hope that helps any, I'll make a video on it though :) It just may be a bit of time from now.
This is super helpful, thank you!
ReplyDeleteIt's not that weird of an anxiety! I just realized I totally do the same thing when answering a non-personal call, ".... uh... Liz?" is probably not the best way to start a convo.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the input!
I have a few friends that have albums of the ridiculous spellings of their name on Starbucks cups. Thank you, I would have never thought of this cause of anxiety! (My name is obscenely easy/common and it is still gotten wrong, I can't even imagine how bad it can get!)
ReplyDelete♥ ♥ ♥
ReplyDeleteThank you! I'll definitely be doing some small talk tips and conversational skills videos early on ♥
ReplyDeleteTalking to strangers (almost any strangers) makes me want to curl up into a ball and cry. I can call, e-mail, tweet, text, facebook message, whatever until I am blue in the face but actually talking face to face gets me. If the stranger starts talking first, I can usually continue the conversation but I will never speak first. If no one ever talked to me, I'd have no friends and would still be single. I also get really upset when I'm around people I don't like or make me feel bad about myself. I could be surrounded by twenty people I love and one I don't, and that one that I don't like will ruin the whole night for me. I'll sit quietly by myself and let other people have fun. I really really wish I wasn't this way. I try so hard to open up more but I'm rarely (if ever) successful.
ReplyDeleteSpeaking! ! I stutter when I get nervous and can't control the speed of my speech. I'm trying to overcome it by speaking publicly and doing G+ FGB hangouts. But I have a loooooooong way to go.
ReplyDelete